(This is a sea-hare.)
Sunday, May 28, 2017
Sunday, May 21, 2017
Sunday, May 14, 2017
But last Sunday I moved into the attic apartment of a huge old house, and my life this week has been solitude and gardens and excellent views, and I am very happy. I feel like a fairy tale character. A princess in a tower. Like Cinderella or Rapunzel, only without the kidnapping and slave labor and stuff.
I've been slowly revising a novel, and it's been hard to focus on anything else, writing-wise, but if you have a fairy tale you want me to yell about or whatever, comment or something. In theory I'm going to work my way through the most interesting parts of Il Pentamerone, but I might not get to it for awhile.
Sunday, May 7, 2017
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
This applies to hard copies, Nook books, Kindle editions. If you buy a copy of thin, you'll get a second copy free.
Shipping is also free.
So if you buy anything during April, send a copy of your receipt to email@example.com, along with whether you'd like digital or physical, and a shipping address if applicable.
Books you can purchase:
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And He Became a Handsome Prince
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Sunday, March 26, 2017
Sunday, March 19, 2017
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Sunday, March 5, 2017
There is one particular fairy tale that I've been trying hard to relocate for about three years now. Here's what I remember:
- there was a princess trapped in a castle at the edge of the ocean
- she had a mermaid friend
- the mermaid really wanted the princess to hook up with her brother
- mermen are really ugly
- when the princess wasn't interested, the mermaid started flooding the palace
- there was a prince around, too
- he might have been enchanted to be a bird, possibly a blue one
- the princess might have been a painter?
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Sunday, February 26, 2017
Fairfax is so beautiful, in fact, that we're all convinced he's really an enchanted prince. And yet, we've made no attempt to break the spell.
Why, you may ask?
Because he's seen us naked.
It's uncomfortable. It's awkward. How do you look a hot guy in the eyes after you've peed in front of him? After he's sat on the counter watching you pop your zits? I've cleaned his poop, guys. We had his genitals cut off. How are you supposed to come back from that?
You don't, guys. You just don't. So with happily ever after out of the picture, there's no way we're giving up our adorable cat.
There's really no way things won't be weird with your enchanted bridegroom. I mean, there's pulling your crush's hair on the playground, and then there's throwing a dude at a wall in hopes that he'll die and leave you alone.
In the fairy tale my url comes from, Kong Lindorm, the transformation process involves whipping the poor dude, then soaking him in milk and lye. He didn't have a safe word, guys. (To be fair, his plan before the transformation spell was to eat her. Yet another issue for the marriage counselor to deal with.)
Not that anything comes of the relationship, but the prince makes the little mermaid sleep on a cushion like a dog. And how do you explain to your dad that the monster that wanted to kill him is your boyfriend now?
Some girls get turned into flowers. Picking flowers kills them, guys. And what if he's picking you to make a bouquet for his girlfriend. Awkward. And how many people would ever think that maybe they shouldn't get undressed in front of the botany? That flower has seen things, man.
There's a Schonwerth fairy tale where the princess is under a spell that makes her look like an ugly old hag. The prince is not nice to that hag. Not at all.
And there's more. What if you kind of had a thing for that older lady? What if you fell in love with the Beast the way he was, and then everything changed?
Guys, I'm really glad magic isn't real. This relationship stuff is already hard enough.
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Like, sometimes I'll have a week where I just write, like, thirty poems. And probably half of them are gonna be crap. I know they're gonna be crap. I don't care. Sometimes that's kind of the point of them. I'll be on my third poem, and it'll be completely worthless. But then on my twenty-third, maybe I'll try something weird with the line breaks, something I wouldn't have thought of before, and maybe that'll somehow make poem number three salvageable.
I'd much rather publish twelve pretty good books, and maybe they're not perfect, but maybe someone will read them and they'll Matter to that person, than spend a decade writing an amazing literary masterpiece that no one outside of an English class is ever going to care about. Because sometimes, maybe most times, it's not even about all of the perfection you put into something you've dedicated your life to. Sometimes it's a completely random throwaway line that catches readers, that makes them care, that ends up meaning something. And I figure you've got a better chance of giving someone that thing that Matters if you have a bunch of things out there in the world.
You produce enough quantity, and some of it's bound to be quality. And the more you do the better you get. Better is a side-effect of more. And stories die, sometimes. Paintings, songs. You spend so much time trying to make this one thing better, and all the heart leaks out.
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Or, what about that bit that bothers me most, the thing I always come back to: the Beast that must seem dumb like an animal, that lost little boy trapped inside his head alone forever, never able to express himself, to make the others understand. That, I think, is R's monologue, is what drew me to him so quickly.
Maybe the point is that the power of love can actually be powerful, that we can use it in fiction and real life. That love matters, that love can change things, that this is a reoccurring theme for a reason, and everything doesn't have to be horrifically cheesy.
Maybe the point is that you guys should watch this movie. Maybe it's that I just like the sound of my own voice. (Or the sight of my own typing, rather.) Maybe it's that R, like Disney's Beast, is actually kinda more appealing pre-transformation. I don't know, guys. I watched the movie. I made the connection. Go make your own point--my work here is done.